I've been hurting

Well, it seems my old fling fibromyalgia has been sneaking in at night and having its' way with me. When fibro calls, there is no choice but to answer the phone - if you know what I mean. I decided a long time ago that having a fibro flare, while sucky at its best, didn't have to mean I labeled the experience a "setback" or that I had to lose hope. Truth is, if this is a setback, I'm starting my whole life over about every 4-5 weeks.

Deep in the fiber of my being I've begun to flirt with the idea that these are the best years of my life so far. I haven't decided that of course, but I'm thinking about making the declaration soon.

Here's what's good:

I get two days a week (when A is with his dad) to do anything I want. Go anywhere. Enjoy what I want to enjoy. The fact that I usually sit at home on my ass and read or watch tv doesn't mean I can't get up and go out if want to. It's a nice option.

I have a great job annd I work with good people. I love to preach, love to be with others in the mess and beauty of their spirit. I have many opportunities to be successful which always feels good, and many opportunities to mess up which always pushes me to learn.

I love being with my son and get to spend the majority of my week with him. He makes me laugh, keeps me honest, and accepts me, foibles and all. I get to play a lot and read to him a lot and learn a lot and teach a lot.

I am terrifically close with my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, and niece and nephew. They all support me completely and love me totally. We live close by each other and visit often. I am a daughter, sister and auntie - and I love each role equally.

I am a part of a church community which I adore. These are people I have grown up with, experienced life with, love. They are people who accept me and encourage me.

I have a great therapist. Enough said.

I am always learning about God in the world and in my life. She fills me and breathes in me and moves me. She is ever present and always Love and Life.

I've been reading some fantastic fiction -women writers preferably and usually. And I've been watching fun and moving movies lately. Good stuff.

I love listening to the soundtrack for the movie Once. It fills my soul.

I have amazing, life-long friends who have stuck with me through all of this stuff. They are great support and love for me. I have at least one particular friend from all of my life experiences (high school, college, Grad school, work...) who I am still in touch with and see on a regular basis.

I have a great new dog.

My body is strong and carries me and helps me do good things.

I am finding new ways to be in the world and work for justice.

Ok, that was cathartic and powerful to me. I need to re-read this every day because, unfortunately, I don't always have this perspective. Thus begins the revolution of loving one's life.

Join me?

Happy

Well, I did it. I got a dog. I said I would, you know!

A and I went to the humane society and found "Happy" a sweet 3 year old schnauzer who loves to snuggle. Just what I need.

I'm worried that A, at 7 years old, has migraines. He gets terrible headaches and then throws up. A response to stress that mirrors one his father experienced while we were married. Ok, that sounds bad. I don't think that I stressed him (my ex)to the point of getting a headache and throwing up - but maybe I did. I don't know for sure.

Anyway.

Happy Happy.

There's something to be said

There's something to be said for companionship. Even only decent companionship. It's nice to have someone to talk to, to share with, to know. It's hard when you're out of school, everone deep in their own lives, no one really needing new friends. When you're alone everywhere you see how the world is made for couples. Not married or partnered, necessarily, just friends. Someone to do something with. Someone who knew where you were and where you're having to go.

A single parent is stuck in this odd connundrum where the person most available to you is seven years old. And they don't need your stuff as much as they need your support and love and example.

I'm fortunate in my life to have family close by. Parents who are friends. A sibling that loves me and likes me.

Mybe I'll get a dog.