Well, I've been gone from home for a long, long time. And, I'm leaving again day after tomorrow. I'm tired. But surprisingly, I'm doing quite well in the fibromyalgia department. Yay!
I went with my sister-in-law (my favorite concert sistah) to the True Colors Tour concert last Sunday night and it was incredible! I mean, come on...Joan Armetrading, Rosie Odonnell, Cyndi Lauper, Carson Kressley and my fave - the B-52s. At Red Rocks. You wish you had been there, right?
Everyone there was in love with each other. It was a benefit for the Human Rights Campaign and PFLAG. Love it!
On the way home we (my sistah and I ) talked about being real and how it is so difficult to find groups of people you can totally be yourself around. I struggle with this and the Church. We try so hard to be perfect - and fail - that we assume everyone else is perfect. While they're just failing also. What would it be like if we all dropped our perfect facade and were laid bare before each other. I don't know. I think it would take a revolution of sorts. We could begin with self-love and acceptance. And we could promise each other that through each day we would try to remember that we are all "Everyday People".
You show me your truth and I'll show you mine.
Really? Do you think we could?
Ready
Set
GO!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Of headaches, family reunions, and Paradise
It's been a busy summer thus far and we're still in its infancy. A couple of weeks ago, just as school got out, A got the worst headache he's ever had (at 10:30 p.m.). I decided to take him to urgent care - he got sick in the car - and when we got there he was in desperate, screaming pain. After some meds to calm his stomach and ease his pain, the lovely Dr. Mike told me that he felt A needed to have a CAT scan to check for brain bleeding or tumors. NOW. So I took A to the hospital where another lovely Dr. took great care of us. A actually slept through the scan which was short. His brain came out looking perfect (thank Goddess) and we were sent home with a migraine diagnosis and some meds to have in our migraine "toolkit."
The whole experience was interesting for me in many ways. I was alone with A in the middle of the night and the Drs were so kind and compassinate. It is much different being a patient vs. being mama. As a patient, the Dr always is introduced as Dr. last name. As a mama, they were both Dr. first name. As a patient, there is always suspision, especially as someone who needs pain meds to exist in the world. Often, you are treated as med seeking. As a mama, especially on your own, you are supported and treated with care. The whole experience, while scary and stressful, gave me hope in the medical profession.
And A is doing fine and better.
I promised family reunions and Paradise but, alas, dinner time is here and it will have to wait.
Peace
The whole experience was interesting for me in many ways. I was alone with A in the middle of the night and the Drs were so kind and compassinate. It is much different being a patient vs. being mama. As a patient, the Dr always is introduced as Dr. last name. As a mama, they were both Dr. first name. As a patient, there is always suspision, especially as someone who needs pain meds to exist in the world. Often, you are treated as med seeking. As a mama, especially on your own, you are supported and treated with care. The whole experience, while scary and stressful, gave me hope in the medical profession.
And A is doing fine and better.
I promised family reunions and Paradise but, alas, dinner time is here and it will have to wait.
Peace
Saturday, May 31, 2008
summer time blues
Ok, I'm not really blue. But sometimes I get a little worried about summer. Being a single mom and having A home a lot more is exciting and nerve producing all at the same time. I want to be super mom and always have great ideas and be prepared for taking A on fun adventures. But sometimes I'm so tired and a nap seems to be all I can get done. One of the best things about A being with his dad is that they do a lot of outdoor activities which I can't seem to do.
It's an internal struggle I have and not just while I'm with A. There's always something I would like to be doing and rarely do I have the stamina or gumption.
I need to take things one day at a time and do what I have the power to do (I don't think I came up with that one). Fibromyalgia can be soul sucking and I often give it that power.
So I resolve to give myself a break this summer. To try some new things, to push myself when I can. I will rest when I need to and dance whenever possible. I will meet some new people and snuggle with A a lot. I will try to live as if I had the energy I did when I was 29. Oh, wait...I didn't have energy then, either. Ok...cut that last one.
Heck, you know what I mean.
Peace
It's an internal struggle I have and not just while I'm with A. There's always something I would like to be doing and rarely do I have the stamina or gumption.
I need to take things one day at a time and do what I have the power to do (I don't think I came up with that one). Fibromyalgia can be soul sucking and I often give it that power.
So I resolve to give myself a break this summer. To try some new things, to push myself when I can. I will rest when I need to and dance whenever possible. I will meet some new people and snuggle with A a lot. I will try to live as if I had the energy I did when I was 29. Oh, wait...I didn't have energy then, either. Ok...cut that last one.
Heck, you know what I mean.
Peace
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Raccoon Love
I am finally ready to tell the tale of my raccoon (or as I have come to call her, the other woman). It all started four weeks ago when the lovely gentlemen I hired to put new siding on my house ripped into the chiminey and found HER. Oh, and her five babies, eyes not yet open. I had known about a raccoon which had visited last year and a few hundred dollars later had been trapped and moved to another part of the state. Only to return a few weeks later with a vengence. But then winter came and she was gone.
But here she was. Maybe the same raccoon, maybe different. But no matter, a mother none the less. I wish those intrepid workers had moved her babies away from the house (you can touch them and they will still take care of the babies.)
She lived there for three noisy weeks. At some point, critter control found her babies and rescued them (for a measley $499.99). Apparently, there are people in the world who enjoy raising up baby raccoons and then setting them free (probably to come back to torture those who live in the house where they were born but that is yet to be seen.)
She made noise. She taunted me. She chewed her way into my game closet and peed all over A's kindergarten art work which was stored there. She peed on my games. She peed on my pictures. My life turned into smelly raccoon pee.
And we tried to trap her. Live traps of course. She played with them at night. Knocking them around with her nose or paws, banging on the roof right over my bed. I turned into a crazy woman who took to yelling "you're ruining my life" at her whenever I heard her. No response from her, of course. But I could swear I heard raccoon chuckling as I was fading to sleep each night.
And then my friend Jana gave me an idea. And I did it. One night, just before bed, I opened that closet door and yelled: "Raccoon mama, I have a friend named Jana. And she has a friend who has a gun. If you don't find your way into my trap so I can re-locate you peacefully, I'm going to have him come and remove you himself." I didn't tell her what he would do with the gun. I figured she would probably know.
I was bluffing of course. Sort of. I don't believe in guns. But, really, I don't believe in raccoon pee either. Turns out, however, they both exist.
She was in the trap the next morning. No joke.
Happy mother's day mama. And to all you mothers who have to pee in someone else's closet just to get by, here's hoping you find freedom, sunshine, and a home of your own.
But here she was. Maybe the same raccoon, maybe different. But no matter, a mother none the less. I wish those intrepid workers had moved her babies away from the house (you can touch them and they will still take care of the babies.)
She lived there for three noisy weeks. At some point, critter control found her babies and rescued them (for a measley $499.99). Apparently, there are people in the world who enjoy raising up baby raccoons and then setting them free (probably to come back to torture those who live in the house where they were born but that is yet to be seen.)
She made noise. She taunted me. She chewed her way into my game closet and peed all over A's kindergarten art work which was stored there. She peed on my games. She peed on my pictures. My life turned into smelly raccoon pee.
And we tried to trap her. Live traps of course. She played with them at night. Knocking them around with her nose or paws, banging on the roof right over my bed. I turned into a crazy woman who took to yelling "you're ruining my life" at her whenever I heard her. No response from her, of course. But I could swear I heard raccoon chuckling as I was fading to sleep each night.
And then my friend Jana gave me an idea. And I did it. One night, just before bed, I opened that closet door and yelled: "Raccoon mama, I have a friend named Jana. And she has a friend who has a gun. If you don't find your way into my trap so I can re-locate you peacefully, I'm going to have him come and remove you himself." I didn't tell her what he would do with the gun. I figured she would probably know.
I was bluffing of course. Sort of. I don't believe in guns. But, really, I don't believe in raccoon pee either. Turns out, however, they both exist.
She was in the trap the next morning. No joke.
Happy mother's day mama. And to all you mothers who have to pee in someone else's closet just to get by, here's hoping you find freedom, sunshine, and a home of your own.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Pain in the #$%^$!
Well, it's official...my knee, which has been hurting for a few weeks...has a problem. I have a knee "problem". I went to amazing rheumy doc today to have her look at my knee and possibly get a cortizone shot. She agreed that the shot was a good idea
(although she wouldn't have thought of it herself) and in the process of having a needle ground around in my knee, she removed a bunch of fluid. Surprise! Not a fibro problem, a "knee problem". So I'm to sit and rest for a week (which I will do as I'm traveling to KC!) and see if it gets better. If it does, good. If it doesn't, voila, problem.
The bigger issue for me is that once again, A has to deal with a mommy with an unidentified pain issue. He's been through my cut hand which needed stiches, my broken ankle which needed surgery, my broken hand and wrist - surgery again. I know he just waits for the other shoe to drop. And I dropped it. It's hard to reassure him over and over that I will be fine when I don't walk fine or do our daily activities fine.
This sucks.
(although she wouldn't have thought of it herself) and in the process of having a needle ground around in my knee, she removed a bunch of fluid. Surprise! Not a fibro problem, a "knee problem". So I'm to sit and rest for a week (which I will do as I'm traveling to KC!) and see if it gets better. If it does, good. If it doesn't, voila, problem.
The bigger issue for me is that once again, A has to deal with a mommy with an unidentified pain issue. He's been through my cut hand which needed stiches, my broken ankle which needed surgery, my broken hand and wrist - surgery again. I know he just waits for the other shoe to drop. And I dropped it. It's hard to reassure him over and over that I will be fine when I don't walk fine or do our daily activities fine.
This sucks.
Monday, May 5, 2008
The Tulips
The tulips have died since you were last here.
The tulips have died
And the chives have gone to flower.
The dandilions are white
and even the breeze has disappeared.
I wonder
if spring is over.
The tulips have died
And the chives have gone to flower.
The dandilions are white
and even the breeze has disappeared.
I wonder
if spring is over.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Happy Bday to me!
I have a love-hate relationship with my birthday. Some of the most traumatic days I have ever had have been this day. Bad stuff. But each year, I experience an overwhelming sense of hope for the year to come. Thank God I can truthfully say that this past year has been one of the best if not the best year of my life. I believe that this birthday not only gives me time to reflect on that but the hope to believe that the trend will continue.
So what is my wish? I had four candles placed in front of me and was told one was for the past, one for the present, one for the future and one for my wish. Of course, I was reminded, a wish only comes true if you don't tell anyone what it is. So you can guess all you want, my dreams are sealed.
Here's to growing a year older. Here's to the last year of a decade (again, you'll have to guess which one), here's to a birthday which celebrates earth day. Here's to healing and standing up for oneself. Here's to new understandings and new desires. Here's to coming home in my own body. And finally, here's to all of my dear friends and family that hold me in their hearts. Thanks, passionate, creative, lover, God. Thanks for this life. I'm doing my best.
So what is my wish? I had four candles placed in front of me and was told one was for the past, one for the present, one for the future and one for my wish. Of course, I was reminded, a wish only comes true if you don't tell anyone what it is. So you can guess all you want, my dreams are sealed.
Here's to growing a year older. Here's to the last year of a decade (again, you'll have to guess which one), here's to a birthday which celebrates earth day. Here's to healing and standing up for oneself. Here's to new understandings and new desires. Here's to coming home in my own body. And finally, here's to all of my dear friends and family that hold me in their hearts. Thanks, passionate, creative, lover, God. Thanks for this life. I'm doing my best.
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